Abomiable Snowman vs Sasquatch

Everybody knows the Abominable Snowman aka Yeti and Sasquatch aka Bigfoot and I will introduce them as Yeti and Bigfoot to make this story readable.

Yeti came down from the mountains of Asia and traveled all the way to the western forest. The reason I say this is because he has already made a commercial where he buys a hair dryer from Amazon for his cringly hair and goes partying to show off his hairstyle.

Yeti is completely different from Bigfoot. He has whitened hair and a skin which he takes care of his body and face. Doesn’t matter  that he’s ugly looking but he has a great complexion. Bigfoot on the other hand is big and has a lot of hair covering its whole body. Don’t know if he bathes often. However, he is known for its big feet. It has appeared to people by accident and has been recorded in a video running around looking for a rest room.

Yeti wanted to meet Bigfoot so he can find more fun places to hang out. So he went into the forest incognito so he wouldn’t be recognized. He didn’t know where to look so he depended on the odor Bigfoot gave out. Like a bloodhound , he tracked Bigfoot until he found him in a lower valley near Seattle., Washington. He was living the high life with other Bigfeet in a hidden town between Mount Rainer and Mount St. Helen.

When he met Bigfoot and its family, he was astounded on the living conditions. They had made huts out of vegetation so they would be well camouflaged. Yeti was not used to the hot weather in the forest so he asked Bigfoot how to stay cool. Fortunately, they had a long extension cord plug in from a nearby ranger station and had air conditioned cool air for the summer and hot air for the winter. That made Yeti happy because it felt like home.

Bigfoot wondered what kind of food for its guest because he realized that  in the cold frigid temperature of Asia he probably ate polar bears or cold fish which wasn’t available in the forest. They had squirrels, deer, an occasional bear which slipped into the area looking for honey and other berries. Yeti was delighted to taste foreign food, not like Chinese cuisine which he was accustomed to. It was the berries which gave him a stomachache which fortunately Bigfoot had a remedy for that kind of illness, It was Pepto Bismol in a bubble gum that still had a Joe Palooka comic book wrapped around it. He had hoarded it back when it went hunting and raided a campsite where a tourist couple were in a tent playing scrabble.

When Yeti asked why they had so much hair they all responded that they had no barber for a trim so they let it grow, Unfortunately they were covered from head to toe with unwanted hair. They really wanted to look like Elvis Presley with the curly hair. Yeti told them that he would cut their hair and would style it with a hair dryer that he bought from Amazon. They thought about it for a while and liked the idea.

So Yeti started on one Big Foot whose name was Little Toe because he had a real small toe besides the big foot. When he walked he left a big foot impression with a little toe on the end. Anyway, Little Toe was prepared to be sheared. When the hair was being cut from his body Yei noticed that there was a tattoo under the hair on his long arm and it was the name Petra. That was his girlfriend’s name from a past relationship. It didn’t go so well with his current wife.  When Yeti was finish with Little Toe, everybody was astounded. He looked like a naked gorilla with an Elvis Presley hair style. So, they declined the offer of a free body haircut but they like the hairstyle. Problem was their pointed head.

Yeti wondered about the pointe head and came to realized that when their children were born, they put a cone head horn on their head so it will be shaped like them. Other Big feet’s girls would swoon over their head style. They got the idea from watching Saturday Night Life on TV.

Yeti had a lot of fun with Big Foot and they liked  each other’s company but summer was almost over and Yeti had to leave. However, he promised he would return with his own family. Yeti however was not through traipsing through the outskirts of Washington state.  He was recognized as the Yeti from a previous commercial that he had done with  the hair dryer from Amazon. He had gone on to Yakima to search for apples which he heard they were delicious. He was again cast into the limelight to appear on TV and later made a movie about his life. He never made it back to the Asian mountains. He now lives in an extremely cold apartment complex in Hollywood.

Gene Cortez

2 thoughts on “Abomiable Snowman vs Sasquatch

  1. Too funny dad!!
    I want to know if you were drinking spiked eggnog when you were writing this story.

    I love the part of “Little Toe”. Ha!

    You should submit it to Reader’s Digest!


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