Church Flies

By

Gene Cortez

I was helping at my usual place as cashier for the weekly kitchen breakfast at my church and noticed a lot of flies roaming around the table where I was sitting. I started swatting the flies and they were lying down all over the floor but they kept on coming. That’s when I started thinking of who was leading the flies and how were they coordinating their flights. That’s when I got the idea of getting into their heads. This is what I found out.

“Ok guys, as soon a those doors are open, we’re going in together. You. Junior. You’re new here. I don’t know where you came from but don’t let me see you hog the cakes. There’s plenty for everybody. Just look out for the guy with the fly swatter. He is especially alert today because of last week’s raid”.

“All right now, here comes somebody anxious to get some early breakfast before the rest of the congregation. Easy. Don’t let him see you. It’s opening. Here we go!

Junior! Don’t land on that flat surface! Yeah, I know that there’s more sugar there but it’s an easy way to get whacked”.

Some of you go hit the kitchen. The beans are wide open and no top. Watch out for the cheese. You could get stuck in there. Last time my buddy was stuck in the crock pot full of chili. It was terrible. He had the runs for a long time.

OK guys, sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you out sister. It’s just an expression. There are six tables and there’s bound to be some leftovers later on. Be careful when you’re flying close to the people. They tend to try and swat you with their hands. I know junior, you’re faster because you’re young and you don’t think they’ll catch you. Watch the veterans and learn from them. Yes, some of them are missing limbs but they’re still in the game.

You girls, please don’t bite the people. I know you don’t like their hairstyle or their hair spray because it chokes you up. Just fly around them. What? What about their perfume? No you can’t eat it because it smells good. You want to get food poisoning?

We’ve been here just a few minutes and now look! We have casualties lying all about. It’s a war zone. The guy with the swatter is taking us out. We can’t call for reinforcements. I’m going in to help them.

Guys, here’s one of ours who was wounded. Some of you help him out! All you walking wounded if you can make it to the door, you’ll be ok.

What? There’s a dumpster outside! Why didn’t anybody say so? We could’ve been feasting by now.

No. Girls do not go first. We go all together. Junior! Wait for us!